she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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