So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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