dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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