I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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