woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
