I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ruined the universe
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
