Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
