So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
