and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
