You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
