Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
