I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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