I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
