as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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