are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
