Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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