If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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