Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
