Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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