I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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