What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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