happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
