My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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