I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
