I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
