don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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