For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
