i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
