he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
