I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
