When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
