fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
