He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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