I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Randomize
