Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
