Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
