so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
