I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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