ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
