Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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