Can i not drive my cunt home
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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