I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
