get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
