No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
