apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
