he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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