I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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