theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
