I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
