I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he was CRYING into my vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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