Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
