we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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