When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
