My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
