It's like God shit irony all over that family
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
