I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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