did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
