Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry about my life...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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