Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
