Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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