This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
