Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
