thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
