do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
