let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
