She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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