I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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