blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
