i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His nipple licking is glorious
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