he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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