I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
should my penis look like a turkey
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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