I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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