Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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