I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
