soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
