I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
