I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
